Job Interviews

For this season, the Lord has ordained that I master the art of the job interview. So I shall now tip some of my knowledge and lessons learned on to you, should you ever need them.

• Brush your teeth before you leave. No one wants to see that poppy seed jammed in there - no matter how good your bagel was!
• Allow plenty of time for the ironing of the interview clothes. This prevents hasty decisions, scorches on your clothing, and general amounts of panic.
• While we're talking about ironing, do not let your pre-interview nerves get the best of you. We can clone a sheep and put a man on a moon but crossing two teeny t-legs is the best we can come up with for stabilizing the ironing board.
• No matter how nervous you may be, do not rush the turning of the garment while still on the ironing board. Those aforementioned t-legs don't provide much support and that iron tips over a LOT easier than you think!
• If the iron begin to fall from your unstable ironing board, let it fall. Don't attempt to catch it. Promptly jump out of the way and pray it doesn't land on the two dogs wrestling beneath said wobbly board.
• If the iron lands hot side down on the carpet, pick it up immediately. It seems that iron melts carpet. Melted carpet doesn't smell too good. These events will make you frazzled and late to your interview. This is not a good impression. (It will also cause you to lose the security deposit on your apartment. Not that I speak from experience or anything!)
• Follow all instructions that came with your iron (and your hair dryer and your curling iron and...). This includes do not use while sleeping, driving, or in the shower. Personally, I'd LOVE to see you use an iron or hair dryer in your sleep but I just don't think it's reccomended - especially right before an interview.
• Everyone wears black to an interview. Either be a part of "everyone" or choose to stand out. If you choose to stand out - be confident in your standing. Don't feel all kinds of awkward for being the only one in an orange top and brown skirt. People remember you for that. (For being awkward and for wearing orange to a job fair.)
• No matter how much you love to share, remember that at an interview your life is not an open book. No one wants to see your scars or hear the story of how one time you tried to ride your bike under a car port and you hit that pole instead. Actually, no one wants to hear that story even if you aren't in an interview.
• Always, always, always remember that your job is to sell yourself. This often makes me feel like a lady of the night. So I try not to think of it too much.
• Bring a resume. To be safe, bring 3. Just don't include the phrases "I like to take long walks on the beach" or "For a good time, call..." and you should be pretty safe.

I hope my tips bring you one step closer to your dream job. They haven't done much for me yet... I'm running away tomorrow to a girl's weekend of scrapbooking (and junk food)! Time to pack!! Woo hoo!