Thursday, September 5, 2013

He loves you more

Dear Caleb,

Today was a rough day. I was tired from the get go and I suspect you probably were too. You threw one tantrum after another (including throwing your Cheerios cup at the dog) and refused to nap all day long. You even managed to unroll toilet paper from the bathroom to the kitchen without breaking it. I still have no clue how you handled that one! I'm sure some of the tantrums I handled with grace, patience, and love. But quite a few of them were met with an exasperated sigh and an impatient mommy. At one point we were both in tears, and I was begging God for wisdom in my mothering. That's when I heard a still, small voice whisper "I love him more." It stilled the storm raging around me. It quieted my anxious heart. No matter how violent a tantrum you throw, it won't change my love for you. No matter how defiant you become, you'll always be my boy. But the best reality of all is that no matter how much I love you, God loves you more. I've loved you since the moment I knew you were on your way. God loved you first. He loved you so much that He sent His only Son (whom He loved more than I can imagine) to die, so YOU could live. It's a beautiful thing, my sweet baby boy, that in the midst of tantrums and bad choices and broken momma hearts, God loves us more. My prayer today is that neither one of us ever loses sight of that. I pray you'll never know a day or a moment when you don't know in the core of your being that God loves you more.

The Bible promises us that His mercies are new every morning. So tomorrow we'll get up and try it all again, with fresh mercy and a fresh heart. If tomorrow is wonderful, I'll love you. If tomorrow is a disaster filled with even more tears, I'll love you. And this momma will trust that the God who called us and saved us, loves us both more than I can imagine.

I love you my sweet boy!

P.S. -- Tonight when I asked for a good night kiss, you stuck your fist in your mouth. When your daddy said "Give your momma some kisses!" you shook your head no! Not cool little man. Not cool.