Once upon a time, there was a boy who loved teenagers. He loved being around them and loved ministering to them. This boy met a girl who did not love teenagers. (She loved 5 year olds more!) The boy and the girl fell in love and got married. The girl moved in with the boy and worked hard to create a perfect little house. The boy had to temporarily give up his part time youth minister gig. (Don't worry - he still got to teach and coach teenagers. He didn't give it all away!) The boy missed being a youth minister though. He missed teaching the Word. The girl felt sorry for him. So when an opportunity arose to host a group of teenagers in their home for an entire weekend, the girl agreed. It was her first moment of insanity. After much preparation, a few tears, and more nerves than you can imagine the weekend finally arrived. Thirteen 7th grade boys descended on the perfect little home in a whirlwind of raging hormones and intense body odor. At midnight, the boy and the girl went to bed - they were very tired. The teenagers were not. They stayed up all night and had wrestling matches that produced several bloody noses, a water fight in multiple rooms of the house, and a food fight that created more crumbs and dirt than you can fathom. (An entire two liter of Dr. Pepper was spilled behind the sofa and no one knows how it happened!)
The boy and the girl spent most of the night listening to the rukas wondering what was going on. At 4:30 in the morning, the boy got mad and used his "coach voice" to make them calm down. They didn't sleep though - they kept throwing food and made the mess that much worse. Needless to say, when the boy and girl finally woke up, they were a little peeved at the mess on the floor. (The two dogs that lived in the perfect little home were thrilled by it!)
Once the boy and girl delivered their delinquents to the church service they informed the youth minister that they were quitting. The youth minister gave the teenagers a stern lecture and then made them clean the bathrooms at the church. The boy and the girl liked that and laughed. They decided that the teenagers could stay as long as they promised to behave better. They promised and they did okay for a few hours. Then they started sneaking sodas under the sofa and hiding bags of chips under the toilet. At one point there was a pile of soaking wet underwear in the closet and a couple of missing tampons, but nothing major. When the teenagers finally went home, the boy and the girl were very tired. They slept on the couch with the puppies and ignored the bloody mess in the bathroom (and on the bathroom walls) and the piles of blankets and towels that had to be washed. Then they watched the Super Bowl and went to bed early. The girl was happy that the boy had enjoyed the teenagers, but was even happier that the teenagers were gone. The girl decided that she didn't want to have babies anymore because the sweet little bundle of joy that came home from the hospital would turn into the monsters that had destroyed her perfect little home in two minutes flat! The boy decided that he wanted to start having babies sooner rather than later so he could fill the house with teenagers once again. The girl remembered a college professor who said that God gave us teenage boys to scare the hell out of us. She was convinced that hell would be nothing more than a room full of 13 year old boys. It was enough to send anyone to their knees and seek redemption! The girl hit the boy with a pillow and told him there would be no babies for a long time and that when those babies did turn 13, they were going to be locked up in a barrel. If they were nice, she'd cut a hole to shove food through. The boy just laughed and kissed her.
P.S. - - The church took pity on our destroyed house and paid to have our carpets cleaned. The man just left. After two weeks of chasing a smell I couldn't destroy, our house finally smells like lemons! The Play Doh came out of the carpet and he found all the blood and got it out as well! Maybe the house will recover after all...
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