Losing...

Yesterday was quite the emotional day! D.J. was at a tennis tournament until 9:40 which left me to watch the Biggest Loser Season 8 Premiere all by myself. I luckily had my mom and best friend to text with the entire time. As is my usual, I cried throughout the whole show. This particular show served as quite the wake up call. My eating habits are leading me down a path of death and destruction and I'm doing nothing to stop it. A few seasons ago, one of the doctors sat a contestant down and explained that some of the lesser known side effects of obesity are miscarriage and severe birth defects. I remember crying in horror as I realized that my children might never have the chance to live because I liked to eat hamburgers too much. I kicked into high gear and lost over 45 pounds. Then I met D.J. and my world turned into a whirlwind. I was struggling to survive a difficult school year and spent most of my free time on the phone with my boyfriend. Throughout the year, I steadily re-gained the weight. Over the summer I enjoyed getting a moment to rest from the frenzy of the last year and did nothing to curb my eating.
Last night while I was watching Biggest Loser I realized that I weighed more than 4 of the contestants. My heart broke. I was also texting my mom and whining about being a "Tennis Widow" when one of the contestants shared the story of her husband and two children being killed in a car accident. She had to fight to get up each day and was choosing to fight for life. For everyone else, they were fighting to for life and avoiding death. However she said that in her life, death was the easy choice. I felt so selfish! At least I knew my husband was coming home and would be there to hold me.
As the show progressed, my best friend and I decided to make a plan. We knew we needed to take action and change the course of our life. We need to get healthy now so we can have a healthy family in a few years. We're still trying to iron out details of our plan but it's time to take action NOW! So this morning, I walked/ran over a mile and a half. When I got home, I wrote out a million encouraging note cards and put them all over the house. So now my rooms are filled with words of encouragement and reasons to lose weight and fight this huge battle. Every moment of the day I've had to work to overcome the shame of letting myself get to where I am. But I've fought and I've fought hard! I've scrubbed both bathrooms until the sparkle and then did a rousing round of Tae Bo. This time, however, I held cans of green beans in my hands. The extra weight made me work extra hard and actually helped me feel a little more coordinated! (Sadly, I don't think using two cans of green beans to work out counts as my vegetable intake for the day.)
So now I'm exhausted but so very proud of myself for starting the road to change. I can't let this cycle continue another day. It's time to change the way I live and forever change my life. Enough is enough! I know it's going to be a long road, but I'm determined to be different forever.