Thursday, March 25, 2010

A revelation, a decision, and some contemplation

If you asked my friends to describe me, none of them would use the words "athletic" or "fit". I never have been coordinated, graceful, or capable of any sort of athletic task. I realized and embraced this fact at the age of 10 when I finished a summer full of tennis lessons actually worse than when I started. My lack of athletic ability didn't mean I was less of a person - my talents just lay in things like crafting and teaching. To each his own.

Since that fateful summer I've used my lack of athletic ability as an excuse to not be active. Combine that with an intense propensity to emotional eating, and you find the person that sits in front of you today. In the months before I met my sweet husband, I was determined to change my life. I lost 45 pounds and felt fantastic! Then we started dating and I suddenly cared more about spending time with him than doing something that was so very difficult for me. (I feel so very awkward on the recovery boards at Curves. My lack of athletic ability is matched only by my lack of musical awareness. I can't follow a beat and I can't march in place. I look like a fool at Curves!)

During the school year we dated and planned our wedding, I had a horrific set of circumstances combine at work to create a nightmare beyond description. I left that position broken and withered. When I didn't get a job at the beginning of this school year, I crawled further into my hole and convinced myself I could do nothing and was a large waste of a person. It was an ugly time for me but I hid it all behind my standard smile. For months, I faked the joy everyone knew me for. It is only in the past few months that the clouds have started to part and I can see the sun again. I'm finally "me" again and it feels good!

In those nasty months, I attempted to loose weight again as proof to myself that I wasn't worthless. Because of complications with some of my medications I couldn't lose no matter what I did. This further reinforced the lies I heard in my head and I completely gave up any attempt at health.

On Tuesday, I finally convinced myself to go for a walk. While I was walking I realized that I would benefit from a good, hearty competition among friends. And thus, an idea was born...

At the end of May, my little sister, my best friend, my husband, and I will complete a walking 5K. We are going to train for the next two and a half months and then pick a date and race blind against each other. We're in three seperate cities so we'll have a buddy time us as we do our best to haul tooshie for a solid 5K. Everyone will put $5 in the pot and the fastest time wins it all! While I would love to win, the biggest reason I want to race is to prove to myself that I can do it - that I can work hard at something in the athletic realm and succeed. I'm so excited about the possibilities and so proud of myself for being so determined. I know I can do this and I can't wait to cross the finish line in May - no matter what my time is!

I apologize for the length of the post but I needed to pull the skeletons out of the closet. It's time to move on with a fresh start. Thanks for loving me through it all!

Training days down: 2
Days until the race: 59


Leslie said...

You can do it!!!!

Charree said...

Go Allison! Go!!!