My cup runneth over

WARNING: This blog post contains items of a personal, intimate, female nature. Male blog readers might want to avert their eyes. :- )
BRITTANY: This post contains bridesmaid's drama. If you're feeling stressed about the wedding, please read it later. If you're not stressed - just know that this problem will be resolved and we are making every effort to get it fixed ASAP! We will get it taken care of before the wedding!

As you know, I'm a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding. As with almost every bridesmaid's dress, I must wear a strapless bra. I started the bra search way back in June. I went to my favorite bra store and they told me about a fantastic new style that was so comfortable most women made it their regular bra. However, they didn't have any in the store and I would have to order on-line. I was thrilled with the idea so I quickly told the sales lady my bra size and happily went on my way. When the bra arrived in the mail, I immediately tried it on! In my mind, this was going to be the miracle bra and would fit my curves perfectly. I was shocked to see that the cup of the bra didn't fit my curves at all - it came up from underneath and stuck straight up in the air! (Sorry guys - no pictures for this post!!!) In order for the bra to lay flat across the top half of my boob, it had to be folded over by several inches!

DJ doesn't have a lot of experience with strapless bras and was quite confused by the way it stuck straight up in the air. He suggested that we try on my bridesmaid's dress just to see if the bra would lay down the right way. No luck! Now my dress was sticking straight up in the air! After a hearty laugh, we agreed that the bra had to be returned.

This weekend, I returned to the store I ordered the bra from and explained my problem. The sales lady said she would be happy to help, but she needed to SEE the problem. So I tried on the bra, called her into my dressing room, and showed her just how bad the problem really was. She looked extremely confused and, after a few attempts to make the bra fit, finally suggested we try a different style of strapless bra. I put the new style on, hopeful that this one would work. It stuck straight up in the air just like the one I ordered originally. I tried on bra after bra, each with various degrees of success. Some stuck up in the air, one was about 6 inches from hooking, and each created some level of snickering from my mom and sister. Each time I put on a new bra, I called the sales lady into my dressing room so she could examine my deformed looking "girls". Mom kept saying, "Allison! What is wrong with your boobs???"

After going down four cup sizes (WOW!) I finally found a bra that didn't stick up in the air. However, it squished my girls into the oddest shape I've ever seen. They were lifted all the way up to my chin, spilling over the top of the bra, and leaking out the sides into my arm pits. I literally couldn't put my arms down! My mom and sister were rolling with laughter and close to tears. (Not to mention a serious case of wet pants!) I looked at the sales lady and, in my most exasperated tone, said, "My cups runneth over!" She didn't even crack a smile - just stared at my misshapen boobies! She told me several times to put my arms down so we could look at the way the bra fit. It took several attempts to explain that I couldn't put my arms down because I had boobs in the way. I couldn't stop thinking, "I'm standing up-right and my boobs are in my arm pits. This is ridiculous! I'm just going to forget it all and duct tape those suckers down!!!"

After 45 minutes, 16 bras, and literally covering the dressing room floor with bras that didn't fit, I walked away with the bra I came with, and a completely depleted sense of self-esteem. There's a store about an hour away from our house that hopefully has more styles in stock. So DJ and I will head that way for the next round of bra shopping. Let's just hope the girls stay where they should and we find something to strap those suckers down under my dress! I don't think my self esteem (or my girls) can take much more of this!!!