Friday, June 20, 2014

My sweet Noah

Dear Noah,

Can I be honest for a moment? Being a mommy is the hardest thing I've ever done! It's absolutely worth every moment, but it's a tough job. I can't tell you how often I worry that I'm doing something wrong - that I'll mess up so badly that you and Caleb will never recover.

But tonight, when you got fussy during dinner, my mommy heart knew just what to do. I bundled you up in your favorite Winnie the Pooh blanket, stuck your pacifier in your mouth, and headed to our favorite chair. In moments I felt you relax into me as your eyes slowly shut. I may question myself more times than you can imagine, but tonight my heart knew I did something right. While your daddy cleaned up the kitchen (thank you Daddy!) I sat and just snuggled you close. I want to remember how big you feel in my arms because in the blink of an eye you won't fit anymore and I'll long for you to be little again. I want to remember how your soft brown hair sticks straight up - kind of like a baby monkey! I never want to forget those gorgeous long lashes or the perfect curve of your tiny ear. I want to snuggle you close while you grab a fist full of blanket and pull it close to your face. I tried to put you down so I could help daddy clean but you immediately protested leaving the warmth of my arms. Without hesitating, I scooped you back up and pulled you in close. You nuzzled your face down into my arm - like you needed to breathe in my scent to make sure it was really me. In no time at all, your eyes were closed again and you were sleeping soundly.

In the wonderful, snuggle-filled moments - I love you! In the stressful, tear-filled moments - I love you! I am so glad you're my little boy and I promise to love you - no matter  what. But can you stay little for a while? I know how fleeting these sweet sleepy snuggly moments are! I love you my precious Noah! Always and forever...


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