Wednesday, November 14, 2012

How to run errands with a newborn

First, you need a newborn. I chose my almost 4 month old giant of a baby boy. You can chose any baby you find yourself particularly attached to. (Or feel free to borrow mine.) Next, you need a list of errands to run. I chose to take Hubsters his forgotten wallet so he could eat lunch, return a few things at Target, and get a package of diapers because we were pretty much completely out. I figured while I was out I might as well grab a carton of milk and a loaf of bread. 

Step 1: Make sure everyone is well fed - mom, baby, and puppy dogs.
Step 2: Get mom dressed while baby lays on the bed and cries. It helps if you sing silly songs and dance around the room in an attempt to cheer the baby up.
Step 3: Once mom is dressed, pick baby up and take dirty laundry to the hamper.
Step 4: Put the baby back on the bed and change the clothes that are suddenly covered in spit up.
Step 5: Change socks because they no longer match your shirt.
Step 6: Get baby dressed in the cutest outfit possible. Put on the last diaper in the house.
Step 7: Gather items needed for errands while carrying baby - make sure there's a fresh burp cloth over your shoulder to catch any spit up or drool.
Step 8: Say good-bye to the puppies and head to the car.
Step 9: Turn around and come back in to clean up the spit up running down your arm, down the baby's arm, covering the baby's side, and dripping down your back.
Step 10: Change the baby. Get a fresh burp cloth.
Step 11: Change your shirt. Realize that you no longer have any clean shirts that match your pants. Change your pants. Decide no one will see your socks in your tennis shoes so leave them alone.
Step 12: Get baby in car seat and start the car.
Step 13: Hear baby fill his diaper.
Step 14: Sigh.
Step 15: Go to the store and pray his dirty diaper isn't that bad because there aren't anymore diapers in the house.
Step 16: After delivering the Hubster's wallet, arrive at Target. As you put baby in the baby carrier, realize the car seat is very wet.
Step 17: Realize your hand is very wet.
Step 18: Put baby back in the car seat and go in Target anyway. (Going home at this point won't really help - there's no diapers at home anyway!)
Step 19: Clean up the spit up on your shoulder and back.
Step 20: Decide the milk and bread at Target is way over-priced and just buy diapers and milk storage bags.
Step 21: Drive to Walmart for milk and bread.
Step 22: Go home and pray the wet spot on the car seat isn't that bad.
Step 23: Put the baby in the bathtub fully clothed and hose him down.
Step 24: Do laundry and scrub the tub.
Step 25: Vow that you'll never run out of diapers again or leave the house without a change of clothes (for both of you).

1 comment:

Christopher, MaryAnn, CaroPop, and Pork Chop said...

Oh sweet friend! This sounds like a "DAY", not just a "day". I love the way you shared the perfect crazyness of mommyhood.